Perhaps because it’s Suicide Awareness Month – perhaps because September 10, today, is World Suicide Awareness Day or perhaps because the memory of the pain and struggles we have gone through as a family over the years has been revived but today vividly brings back the 18 years of sleepless nights I remember so very well since Dani’s first attempt of ending her life at the tender age of 15.
I recall all the pain our family endured as we watched our oldest daughter fight for her mental health. It has been over six years since losing Dani, and there are families in our own circle and yours that are living moment to moment and day to day with their loved ones as they witness their fight with depression, anxiety, PTSD and other mental health disorders as we did. They feel helpless and lost as they watch the pain literally destroy their world because of the stigma and the fear of not being understood, accepted or acknowledged that this is an “illness”and not a defect.
If, as the parents and family of Dani, we had someone we dared to talk to during those early years, someone who we perceived would not judge or label us or our girl as “damaged” because of the stigma related to mental health and suicide back in 2000, we may have talked and felt more secure in our own pain, and began our crusade a bit earlier. We kept as quiet as possible, not sharing with grandparents, siblings or dear friends what we were facing each day. It was a terrifying time for us back then and it still is devastating today for so many.
Suicide is a real option for some, and a “plan B” may be lurking in the back of “our peoples” mind. It was always in the back of Dani’s mind. To live each day wondering if today would be the day she said, “enough is enough.” What turmoil and torture it must have been for her each moment that she believed she was too much of a burden for her family. In hindsight, you may never know how the love and support you give to your person, your neighbor, your coworker or your friend may help prevent your family or someone else’s from a future without them. It is a journey we walk and wish no one else would ever have to travel.
If love could provide an answer to this tragic crises all “our people” are experiencing, there would be so many hearts hurting just a bit less and so many of “our people” feeling just a bit less alone. If there is one thought to remember, it is to please listen to those you love, to what they are saying and what they are NOT saying, and reach out to give hope and help to those struggling.
As I continue to do my best as a suicide survivor, along with family and friends who helped start the non profit organization 33 Forever in the weeks following Dani’s suicide, to help break the stigma associated with mental health challenges, there will be a future when it will be easy to talk about mental illness. It takes so much strength to open up your soul and ask for help or share your journey through the difficulties but please, on this day and month of Suicide Awareness, let today be the day you get the help you need. You are loved and valued and we need you with us.
Please call or text 988 for help.